The pulsating weight of dreams and the crisis of identity in Fusion of Reality

By Lily Bushell

What we struggle to understand about ourselves appears in dreams. As human beings, dreams have often been thought to constitute human ambition, fear and desire, creeping into our thoughts as visual reminders of what we hold dear and who we are. A dream indicates to us what we want present or absent in our lives, and therefore becomes the material of our minds, which clashes and merges with our own reality. This is the case in K. Varia’s novel, Fusion of Reality, which encompasses the story of Aman who juggles the responsibilities of work, family life and the grief of losing a close friend, as a man of Nepalese heritage in a hustling British environment. Throughout his journey, Aman struggles with social expectations, which become the source of his progressively dampening obstacles, his eventual fall, reprieve, and lastly, path towards healing. The social expectations Aman sets upon himself are rooted in his yearning to conform to idealised notions of masculinity; his need to achieve perfection, and be deemed valuable in the eyes of society, even when characters in Aman’s reality do not expect this of him.

Therefore, dreams in Fusion of Reality are given a face: characters who are no longer alive, such as Aman’s grandfather and his friend, Raff, continue to exist in the form of dreams, representing Aman’s internalised concerns which consume his focus. The very first line of the novel nods to this, as the story begins with the memory that “last night, [Aman’s] grandad appeared in [his] dreams, like he does on big occasions.” The line sets the tone for the rest of Aman’s journey, indicating the relationship between Aman’s dreams and reality. The timing of the grandfather’s appearance is critical, as the dream occurs soon before a societal engagement that Aman must tend to, ‘a big occasion’. As such, Aman’s grandfather is depicted as a monitoring and intimidating figure whose approval Aman must attain, positioning him as an ideal that Aman must reach. It is the story’s early warning about the nature of what comes to dictate and place burden on Aman’s way of life: prioritising the attainment of an unattainable ideal at the cost of one’s identity and one’s genuine relationships with others. The fear of the frowning grandfather carries exorbitant weight, crushing Aman. Thus, dreams in the story are not simply passing images in Aman’s life, they are perhaps more real to him than his own reality.

Yet dreams in Fusion of Reality also guide Aman to reconsider his approaches in reality, invoking new revelations about himself and others. The transitory figure of his close friend Raff, a character who is alive at the start of the novel and present in Aman’s life, later becomes the subject of Aman’s daydreams after his death. As a thoughtful and diligent figure, Raff is presented as a facilitator for a more self-compassionate and patient mindset to Aman’s way of life. This eventually leads to Aman’s confrontation with a junior colleague, George, for whom Aman holds contempt for: George is easy-going, carefree and expressive about his thoughts, bearing characteristics that Aman does not permit himself to exhibit or hold. During this interaction, George reveals, to Aman’s surprise, that his father had died in the work-place, resulting in George’s changed attitude towards work life. George’s easygoingness, which Aman had assumed to be a reflection of incompetence and inconsiderateness, was actually a symbol of resilience and the manifestation of his desire to live freely, on his own terms. Whilst this revelation does not resolve the tense fragility of Aman’s growing pressures, it plants the seed to Aman eventually relieving himself of his previously incontestable chains of societal expectations.

From thereon, Fusion of Reality explores Aman’s transition to a more balanced sense of self through his understanding of the importance of self-acceptance. This transition is solidified by the presence of Edith, the elderly lady, whom Aman becomes accustomed to meeting in the parc. Her character embodies the fusion of dreams and reality in the novel, as the parc, her signature setting, becomes a liminal space in which figures of Aman’s dreams, such as his grandfather, seem to momentarily manifest in the surroundings in the faces of strangers. Edith’s companionship to Aman is like that of a lighthouse offering light to an unrelenting ship caught in a dark storm. As she notes herself, ‘life is like balancing on a many-legged see-saw […] What you do may not matter to anyone in the end. Yet, some power is there, that comprehends.” The novel demonstrates how dreams reflect Aman’s state of mind throughout the story, as his reality is shaped by the looming shadows of his dreams, and the contents of his dreams become spurned into his reality. Now, the lines exemplify Aman’s turn towards a more harmonious perception of life, as dreams and reality may continue to oppress, and intertwine, yet, with empathy and observation, they also offer a guiding hand toward a more fulfilled sense of self.